i am a daughter...

daughteri am not sure just how many years I there in my filth + blood tenaciously trying to get my needs met through other human beings, being used + using until I was left stripped and shattered so far gone I felt hopeless to ever know what living really was

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My heart ached for the knowing

the second the linen touched my cold clammy shaking body the uncurling of my fetal body the warmth spread like a soft burning fire throughout my whole body and from the top of my head your hand called come alive...come alive... Come

And my heart cried abba! Papa

It's you

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I turned my face to yours as you kissed me and breathed your breath into mine

Your love washed me + wrapped me 

the oil of your kiss turning the stone to flesh

Your strong arms swept away the fear as your smile spoke softly saying come child...

He walked ..

He carried me for what seemed like hours but were years

He + i wrestling with wounds that he would put his finger on and pour oil in and bandage 

healing deep pieces and places

i thought there was no way to fall deeper but i did

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through these times i knew i wasn't completely alone

i clung to the edge of his love 

begging, fearing abandonment

don't let me go

the squeezing came..the pain inside was unbearable..inconsolable

until i caught a glimpse of light

it came + went for days 

the gentle pressure moving me along

all went dark as i gave in, letting it carry me

rustling of what seemed like velvet robes were moving around me and the smell like christmas 

morning in my bestest wildest dreams 

i had a twirly dress on..sitting cross legged on a bed so big

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not knowing where I was

how i was going to get down

i tried taking it all in..the beauty! As far as I could see

in every direction

it fell..startling me

my hand reached up catching it

pulling it down cradling it in my hands as if I found the most prized possession in all of the history of history

i was surprised!

it was mine! I was FOUND

i was HIS 

it was to big that day but I didn't care

i wore the lopsided crown like it was a 10 carat diamond

::::

i knew I was loved

i fell in a love so deep that day

i am a daughter 

i am a bride

i am exploring every inch of this new land that i woke up into...

i am a beloved child growing up into a beloved daughter

He calls each one of us by a name

sliding down off that big bed that day the light caught my attention

hidden in the mess of bed linens 

i pulled on it and out came the most beautiful sword I had ever seen

i wrapped my hand around the handle pulling it down with me as my feet hit the floor...

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we sang these words at @thebelongingco last week...at the end of good good father - i can't stop singing them