we all have a story don't we? regardless of how we arrived at this point we find ourselves worn outstarved & over stimulated. We are captives to the lie that we are unlimited. I dying for freedom. I need an intervention.
maybe you come from the old school where if it ain't broke don't fix it
maybe you are a pioneer..forging ahead sick and tired of being sick and tired and want to take back the territory that has been so sneakily taken
I am a pioneer at heart. a visionary if you will but i have never known what to do about it...until lately.
I see how upside down it all is and how much I try to cram in one day so much so that I need every organizational tool and label out there so as not to forget myself! I seem to have bought into the age of unlimited .. that there is nothing I can't do if I work hard enough or have
Blog world has in so many ways made this all even worse. The wanting. The comparing. We all know that people's lives aren't really that clean and put together all of the time but still... all the pretty pictures are just morsels that are dangled in front of our naturally greedy little selves and more often than not...we take a bite..
well - what if you are a mom who makes 20,000 a year and you have four kids? what then?
( i could give you 10 different scenarios of life circumstances here but you get the idea? ) is this dream really what we should be striving for? and at what cost? and does it then begin to erode our self talk so that we are constantly unhappy and dissatisfied and bottom line... grumpily ungrateful...and we tape on a smile fooling ourselves that we are really "ok"
It comes from inside. It is not about the money-the home-the kids-the job...it comes from inside and if it stems from there just maybe changes can truly be made. It is the woman's heart behind the home on the blog. If you took away her blog, her home her clothes, her nice car etc would you still want to know her? Her answer would be yes...i am still that same person! LOVE me for ME...and that is the cry of our hearts isn't it?
well..there is years of dysfunction where we are opening my story. In time we are going to open some of that up but for today
I want to touch the tip of the iceberg with our RE - BOOT. If you have followed us for very long you know I was in the hospital around thanksgiving. I have severe Ulcerative Colitis and to make a long story short I now am steroid dependent. I am out of options and have been left staring at surgery to remove my colon ( large intestine ) AND i am not a good candidate for the jpouch surgery ( would take away the bag after a year ) so if i decide to have the surgery i am pretty much looking at having a poop bag the rest of my life and while I "thought" i was ok with that ...now i am not sure
I am at a crossroads at a time in life when things "should" be somewhat settled
I have started down this road several times and quit. The same things keep happening over and over again with the same results. You know this is the definition of insanity right?
We know all of this but what can we realistically do about it. The crazed mom syndrome has us going so many different directions
we eat the leftovers off our kids plates...run through any fast food joint or throw a bag or box of frozen fake ingredients in the oven and truly I believe most of us are plagued with guilt because we really do want to go back to June Cleaver and be there fully present for our kids and families cooking real food into real meals and sitting around the table every night. We are tired of feeling spread so thin and at one little bobble and the dam breaks and we explode which leaves us limp with guilt- confused and feeling like failures.
so we escape ( insert your vice here)
My goal in 2013 is to get a handle on how to get off this merry go round once and for ALL. To make lasting real changes. to FLY in the face of our American culture. I would wager that women..even very successful ones feel like this. It crosses all economic boundaries.
I believe its woman thing...and even more so...a christian woman thing
I believe that biggest underlying culprit ( brace yourselves for this ) is WANTING MORE.
we want more so we work more..and that is like a octopus with tentacles each representing our children, our homes, our cars our jobs, our social status, our blogs, and how we look you get the picture?
we want more in all of these areas and we are trading our very souls for an illusion of MORE
this has really plagued me for several years now...so i am hoping with this RE-BOOT and much soul searching before God I can find a healthy balance for me and my family and our home...i am slightly uneasy about how that may pan out.
I feel led to do this so i hope you don't mind. i will be sharing our re-booting journey.
I PRAY pray that my sharing my story will encourage and inspire you to keep going. Not only to make lasting change.. but to IMPACT YOUR life and those within your influence.
This RE-BOOT is for all you sisters with pioneer hearts. All you warrior women. This song sums up my life so i thought it appropriate for the song of the week. I hope you enjoy:)
Plumb - I Need YOU Now
SO go grab your rugged terrain boots and some pen & paper sisters...we've got to chart out our next move.