dropping dreams into His hands..a little wringing of my heart

where did I put those stinkin car keys!...I could feel the heart racing and every blood vessel in my body squeezing tighter and tighter

Frantically rushing around the house .. from the car the steely eyebrows raised look..c'mon mom! we are going to be late! and right then and there I threw myself on the floor and the whirl of my chaotic life caught up with mesigh...

Ann Voscamp once said " Hurry brings death " I don't know if it means physical death but hurry can sure cause spiritual , emotional and physical death.

taking those first steps into the darkness of the dream that has been beating away in your chest since you were wee little can be a lot like the meltdown above.

It is in bits and pieces that this builds.  A little less time here..more time there.

not so much of this anymore but a WHOLE lot of that

the oh heck why not's

less sleep

eating begins to get sloppy...just overall NOT taking care of yourself

shed

and STILL trying to please everyone around you so they will LIKE you..driving the little ones to every sport under the sun cause God forbid you are the only mom that doesn't have a child in a competitive sport and to top that off you are going so far in debt you can't see straight anymore just to support these athletic's!!

AND...breathe

you have to work more hours and time at work to support this habit and because you/I am working so hard we must reward ourselves with a new bag..or shoes

and then there is the icing on the cupcake..the role of 'wife' or 'girlfriend' OR just being a woman!

we have pressure to squeeze ourselves into what the American woman should be...oh and to be the best "bestie" to your girlfriends..be on 3 to 4 committee's at church and squeeze in nursery duty when they ask cause gosh darn you can't say NO!

i could sure use some of this right about now:)

who in the heck am I?  Is this what I am meant to do?  is my lifestyle..attitude bringing others to God's heart?  bring Him glory?  spending my days on this earth in a frenzied jumbled mess all while I cover it up with a pretty smile and say " everything is great!"  thanks for asking { insert big smile }

when deep down inside you know it isn't

Is any of this hitting home with you?

It did me and here is where I started

To Let GO of the gift of the dream He planted long ago because while it is 'my' dream it is really His.

and all of these LOUD desires I AM NOT at their mercy because really..really way down deep is where I want to listen.  Deep desires are often quiet desires aren't they?

To let all of it fall apart so that I could begin to pick up those pieces that He showed me and IS STILL showing me.  Lots of things fell that day.

SOME stayed right where they landed.

SOME I am chosing to pick up...for now

OTHERS I am willing to have closure on and move on.  Thankful for the time they were in my life because they were used to bring me to where I am today.

and still OTHERS I picking up and putting back down..still not sure

amanda gilligan

but as for this dream He gave me a little more clarity since my last post.  You see..Grace has been on vacation and by divine whatever I had some time to really sit still and listen...and He talked...and I talked...and He listend.  It was good.

He showed me to drop my dream in His hand..those words stuck I gotta tell ya!

When we were done that morning I dropped this dream back into His hand because I was losing sight of it with all life's clatter and I lost it much like the car keys

laying in His arms .. the only arms that can meet the deepest needs I have.  Little by little He is winning my heart and consistently showing me He is my soft place to fall.  That I no longer have to suck it up..suck it down deep and survive but that I can LIVE in the shadow of His love wings.

and I gotta be honest in saying this is a lifelong process.  I didn't wake up one day and wham!  I had it all together..I don't!

and it is "trusting" the process and that is is polar opposite of the world's frantic pace..His pace is SSSLLLLOOOOWWWWER!  I am slowly;)

learning that.

for all of us stepping into darkness...:)

and if I can YOU can!

SO ~ have you had a meltdown moment that woke you up and changed the course of your life?  If so ~ we would love to share

xo

images from my Pinterest Solitude board:)