" my resolution " and I will not apologize

A RESOLUTION : A formal expression of  intention..

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after watching Courageous night before last my soul was shaken deep.  So deep that I am moved to action.  Like so many families today ours does not have a daddy or a husband other than a in the form of a flesh body - to lead us like the movie BUT when I went to bed that night and cried to Abba saying with understanding..this is why I crack and break under the weight..I'm not designed to bear the load of raising a family..standing up to the world

and you know what He said:  trust Me.  trust My Words.

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Isaiah 54:5 says " For your ( my ) husband is your Maker;

Whose name is the LORD of hosts

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Right then and there I took His hand and said YOU & me..He will shoulder the role of Daddy & husband for me and the kids.

At then end of the movie my heart was applauding and my spiritual hands were in the air...saying with him " I WILL "

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DISCLAIMER:  I am learning..I am willing but I have NOT the answers to getting out of abusive relationships.  On how to make one whole and healthy. I have a LONG way to go and I have come a loooong way.   I will tell you it has been a 12 year process up to this point.  Years of stripping my heart naked.  I sure can listen without judging more than I used to.  Life has a way of teaching that if I let it.

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I can say this:  watching Beverly Hills housewives and Taylor's story...minus the hitting -  hits home hard.  This life leaves you without friends, family& money..you loose everything..your sanity..your health..even yourself.  Eventually even your kids resent you because you just can't figure out how to get out and stay out.  I SO get it.  So many people are UNABLE to understand.  Hang in there.  Keep breathing.  Keep seeking Abba.

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Here is one thing I'm going to do.  Nail it down on paper so at the end of the year and everyday in between I can go to it.  There will be times when I fail and don't want to get back up and I can read over this.

 :: MY RESOLUTION ::

of which I am doubly accountable.  Before God and before YOU...my friends. ( some of these I have been practically doing in my everyday life and I have to share that they are helping...a lot! )

::To get healthy - spiritually, physically and emotionally

::To be a Brilliant Woman!  see here for this list.  I printed it and read it almost everyday.  And not only read it...I DO it!

::To be only "needy" for God

::To lead my family to health..to wholeness

::To spiritually lead them with God as my husband and as my Abba

::To say NO more and not "feel" mean

::To be self sufficient by the end of the year

::To no longer allow unhealthy people into my inner circle

::To love God and to love others as my lifestyle

::To follow my dream to be called out by God and then call that out the dreams in my children

::To use the Bible as my compass.  To go here often..to use what is shown me

::To be grateful every.single. day for all gifts - big and small in my life and those around me

::To live " within " each day..not in tomorrow.  Being as present as I can be that day acknowledging that I am growing

::To focus on Abba - not on fear, anxiety, our sick marriage, on what could be & on past mistakes.

this habit makes these things gods in my life

::To forgive..to restore what I'm led to restore and let go of what can't be.  Still learning how this practically looks

like in relationships with narcissists.

::To let go of regimen in my time with God.  To freely go where He knows what I need.  Letting go of study guides, studies

and such.  Needing Bible, Jesus Calling/devo and my journal and a pen.  Writing all He is wanting me to know and practice.

::To grant myself grace when I fall, fail, get angry, whatever....and to immediately pull close to God instead of pulling away

showing my trust in His love for me.

::To say outloud throughout the day " I choose to trust YOU in ....................... whatever circumstance it is. "  Saying it outloud is helping

me.

There is a great freedom here as He bids me to come where things are most needful.

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February's verse

" Look to the LORD and HIS strength;

Seek His face always.

Psalm 105:4

This is my resolution and is where my life is at right now.  Your's will look totally different.

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Just know YOU are never alone

OUR greatest victories are ahead.  GOD IS ABLE..I just haven't trusted Him to be.

much much love to each of you today.

xotiff

**soulography by my Nikki and the beautiful kiddos are my precious gifts..my grand babies:)