Day 22 of 72 : wallpaper of lies..a list

God sees our willingness to be free and our faith to believe
He could accomplish what we are powerless to do
Beth Moore...Breaking Free

I'm processing here so please bear with me.  I posted here about "feeling loosed" .  A couple of days later God showed me through my days study in Beth Moore's Breaking Free that I really am loosed!  Here is one way she explains it.

it more than asking for forgiveness of sins; I am determined to be free.
Because I am ready to fully cooperate with God, my eyes are opened to mind-binding lies and
I sought the divine strength necessary to tear them down.

Beth has you write down all of the lies that come to mind. The lies tumbled one after the other onto paper.   I am becoming a free woman for the first time in my life! How Beth explains it made total sense to me.  I asked for forgiveness etc. but nothing really ever changed.  Here is what she said

"We can be forgiven however, and still not be free.  And if we're not free, we will soon cycle back into sin.  Happens all the time."

Guess what? I've cycled 43 years...in almost the very same spot!   But by His grace and mercy my eyes have been opened. I would have never thought blogging through this summer...things like this would happen.  I'm fragile and I know this is the tip of the iceburg.

He's let me glimpse that child of long ago..full of confusion, pain and grief from lies of open oozing wounds..she's unknowingly been controlling me my wholele life...this little girl Tiffini.  Looking at her used to bring me pain..followed by frustration and then anger.

but now..and then..GOD..

There was a wound once in a gentle heart,
Whence all life's sweetness seemed to ebb and die;
And love's confiding changed to bitter smart,
While slow, sad years went by.
Yet as they passed, unseen an angel stole
And laid the balm of healing on the pain,
Till love grew purer in the heart made whole,
And peace came back again...author unknown

My thinking in blogging through 72 Days of Summer was I would begin to see a pattern..God speaking..maybe I'm missing something?  I don't want to ever forget these lies.  Now that I am more aware of them I am able to see them more easily and I am able to shut them down. I believe these lies were planted as a very young child..possibly even infancy.  And then came reoccurring life events to shove them down deep and as child I didn't even know it. Here is my wallpaper list of lies that has been glued to the walls of  my mind ever since.  I left some out for privacy and believe it or not they are still coming.

:: My Wallpaper List of Lies ::

  • I'm not responsible for other people's actions ( HUGE )
  • it's all my fault
  • that something is really wrong with me and others can see it
  • I'm not worth being loved
  • staying in relatienship for years to punish myself
  • don't deserve happiness
  • love is earned.  I have to "do" to be loved
  • feeling like a little  girl inside...not a woman who can make choices
  • I'm not able to make my own decisions..especially good ones
  • men ( especially those in authority ) scare me...bad.  This is a hard one!
  • I am stupid
  • not a good mom
  • you will never make it on your own
  • I need someone to take care of me
  • no one will believe me
  • I'm not enough

Seeing them in black & white I'm able to see how my life has played out with these patterns of thinking....can't you?

Have you been stuck in something for a long time
and wonder if maybe a lie is behind it?  If so - you are not alone.
Linking up with Jen for SDG @ Finding Heaven...
Beautiful picture credits to David Eustace...thanks Mr. Eustace for finding beauty through a lens

XO~