daring to praise even when I don't feel like it

Praise will still open fountains in the desert, when murmuring will only bring us judgement, and even prayer may fail to reach the fountains of blessing.  There is nothing that pleases the Lord so much as praise....daring to praise Him even for those trials which are but blessings in disguise?  Streams in the Desert

The call shattered into my already depleted and pain wracked body and soul. The facade I wear..the smile of everything is ok is so normal and comfortable I forget I'm wearing it...until I get home and the door rolls down and I secretively pray that nobody sees me and talks.  I want to go hide.  not forever just for a bit.  I wallow for just a bit and the tears finally come and I admit I'm mad at You...but I know You know that. When is it going to ..How is a momma ..hemmed on every side to the naked human eye to find a way when there is no way?..and I fight.  I hear myself talking to myself...choose joy Tiffini...be thankful.  I've got a cold on top of my infusion and at least my baby doesn't have cancer and even though I hate my side bangs my hair isn't falling out and Oh God the human flesh sears with its ugly.  Can't I just discard it?  and I sleep. All I really want is

To be left alone...

photo credit

and I check email this afternoon and this is what I read.  And He knows what I really need. Is this really real?  do women really do this?  I want to give this to others and deep down...I really don't want to be alone.  I want this.  Community.  and thankfulness i could "feel" entered.  I have this.  Women friends who speak life to me.  With no strings of judgement.  I'm hurting and have been since I can remember.  I don't want to hurt like this forever.  I know there are other women who hurt.  In different ways than mine but hurt feels the same doesn't it? Can - and are we - helping each other or making the hurt deeper by our unwillingness to give grace...I ask myself?

You have been hurt by women. I could see the pain in your eyes… And I’ve never done this before but… I feel prompted to make you a promise of friendship.”

I promise I will never speak an unkind word to or about you. I will never be jealous of you. I will never compete with you. I will never abandon or betray you. I will love you. I will pray for you. I will do all I can to help you go far and wide in the Kingdom.

I will accept you as you are, always. I will be loyal to you. Before our loving God of grace, you have my words and my heart in friendship for this life and forever with Him.”  from A Holy Experience  "How hurting women can help each other heal".

Today, in this moment, daring to praise Him for the way in which there is no way...but by and through Him.

Thank you for being a friend,